The Life of a Wife

As little girls, many of us ladies perhaps dreamt of our Prince Charming coming to sweep us off our feet and whisk us away into our 'forever after'. Many of us perhaps even engaged in role play games, in which we would force some poor unsuspecting little boy to be our husband and play the role of daddy in the house, whilst we played the role of the wife and mummy. Playing 'house' is a classic role play game that children play in schools and nurseries even today. From an early age, us ladies seem to have a solid understanding of what a wife is, what her role in the household is and what is expected of her. With all of this knowledge under our belts, you would think that it would be plain sailing for us ladies when the rings exchange, the vows are said and the kiss is signed, sealed and delivered. Everything at first may appear to be easy... until we dive head first into it. Then for many of us, we realise that we need arm bands to stay afloat or a lifeguard to stop us from drowning. Even for those who are able to swim independently, there are still times when we need to come up for air.

Now, personally I was never one to play 'house.' I was too busy doing kart wheels and handstands to care about things like that. However, I do remember from an early age, understanding that being a wife meant cooking, cleaning and looking after children. My mother and aunties made sure this was drummed into my head with comments such as... "if you don't learn to cook, what will your husband eat?" or "if you don't tidy your house, where will he put his feet?" At that age, quite frankly, I did not care because firstly, I didn't have a husband nor did I have any plans to get one. I was a kid for goodness sake! Secondly, I was too busy spending time with my head in a good book or perfecting my kart wheels and handstands. Naturally I rebelled against the notion that a woman should cook and clean. I resisted the idea that my brother should relax and enjoy himself whilst I slaved away in the kitchen cooking for the whole family. I believed in being treated equally! Even with my resistance, there seemed to be no getting away from the chores that had my name on them simply because I was female and evidently in training to be a wife. The cooking, the dishes and the cleaning were all women's jobs so I was told. I'm pleased that I never believed that then and don't believe it now! It's these very ideologies that are instilled in us from a young age that can be the very weight that makes us sink as grown women when we dive into marriage.

Being a wife is a journey that you embark on with God and your husband. The journey will be a lot easier if all negative preconceptions of being a wife (that come from family, friends, media etc) are thrown out the window! My advice is to start from a clean slate and pray and ask God how to be a good wife (after all God invented the institution of marriage). Have a discussion with your hubby, or fiancé and explore what he needs in a life partner. Perhaps he doesn't care if you can cook because he is a chef. Instead he might need someone with business acumen to help launch his catering business for example. If all you are doing is spending hours slaving away in the kitchen, fussing about cooking the recipes your mama taught you, when he can whip up a 3 course meal for the whole family in 20min (and better still, enjoys doing it) then you are not really helping him. His need for a business savvy queen is not being met. Discuss with your partner what he needs from you as a wife and vice versa and start from there. Also discuss expectations because whilst you may have been raised to think that all a wife does is cook, clean and pop out the kids whilst a man goes out to work, it may be that he expects you to help earn the bacon to build for a better future. If you are not open minded then you may find yourself sinking. Every marriage is different. The main thing is that you are following the biblical principles of marriage, staying open minded to each other and aiming to meet each other's needs in the marriage. There is no room for your parents' or friends' ideologies in your marriage. As a wife you are one with your husband; you work things out together.

Now all the above does not mean you should not seek advice from trusted friends or marriage counsellors if needed. Just season all advice dished up, with a pinch of salt.

I could write and tell you what my personal life as a wife is like in more detail but telling you about my lovely marriage would take far too long plus everyone's experience is different anyway. Everyone will have the good times and the not so good times... the main thing is to continue to choose to love each other.


The life of a wife is so many things
The life of a wife is more than the rings
The life of a wife is about holding your own
The life of a wife means that lil girl has grown
The life of a wife means staying close with Christ
He wrote the guidelines - the way to do it right!